Tell Me, What Makes You Cry?

Admit it...You aren't like them...not even close. You may occasionally act like one of them, dress like them, watch reality T.V. shows like them and even eat fast food sometimes just.like.them. But the more you try to fit in, the more you try to be like the "normal" people the more you feel like an outsider. Every time you say something cliche like, "Some weather we're having, eh?" Or, "How are you today? you yearn inside to ask something deeper, something more. Like, "Tell me something that makes you cry" or "Do you believe in fate?" You want to ask these things but something holds you back. Fear? Embarrassment maybe? Maybe you should take that chance and say what you feel. Who knows who you might connect with. Who else might be like you. EVERYONE carries a piece of the puzzle. We meet no one by mistake. Be brave. Do the unexpected. Find the others.

Growing Up

I think growing up means learning what life is. When you're little, you have all these ideas of how it should be. Standards, plans, outlooks and you think that if you just sit around and wait for them to happen to you  life will just work out. But life isn't like that, for anybody; you can't fall in love with a standard, you have to fall in love with a person.  You can't wait for your plans to materialize, because they may never materialize the way you think they will. You can't wait to watch your ideas and standards walk up to you, because you can't know what's yours until you have it. 

I always say, always take the first chance in case you never get a second one, but growing up takes that even one step further, growing up means that you have to hold on to what you have, when you have it, because what you have- that's yours- and all the ideals and criteria you have set in your head, those aren't yours, because those haven't happened to you and may never.

Far Too Long

For a moment there,
I saw an ounce of promise in you.
I saw something, something that made me curious.
Something that made me want to know more.

But you weren't strong enough to follow through on that.
You slowly started to fade just like the rest of them.

I just hope for your sake
that you one day find it again....
Someone who simply wants to know and love you.
I hope that you manage to brush away the clutter in your head
and find a way
to love, and be loved.

It's something you've been without for far too long.

Helter - Skelter

It's just crazy how one person can make you feel so many different emotions. One day, you're smiling from ear to ear and feeling as if you are on top of the world. You heart is warm and your head light. And then in just one second your whole outlook on some one can change.

In.just.one.second.

That's all it takes.

Then you don't know what to think, what to feel...what to say. You're left with a huge mess that only one person can clean up. Your heart is topsy-turvy and your head - a helter-skelter state. But you just can't stop wanting it...all that stuff that makes your heart crave and your head ache. It's better than feeling nothing at all.


I think my heart is a thousand years old.

     I am not like other people. Sometimes I wish I was.

You'll Never Know What Hit You

Here for my dose of magical vocals....I love this band and their seductive appeal.

I will keep quiet
You won’t even know I’m here
You won’t suspect a thing
You won’t see me in the mirror
But I crept into your heart
You can’t make me disappear
Til I make you

I made myself at home
In the cobwebs and the lies
I’m learning all your tricks
I can hurt you from inside
Oh I made myself a promise
You would never see me cry
Til I make you

You’ll never know what hit you
Won’t see me closing in
I’m gonna make you suffer
This Hell you put me in
I’m underneath your skin
The devil within
You’ll never know what hit you

I will be here
When you think you’re all alone
Seeping through the cracks
I’m the poison in your bones
My love is your disease
I won't let it set you free
Til I break you

I tried to be the lover to your nightmare
Look what you made of me
Now I’m the heavy burden that you can’t bear
Look what you made of me
Look what you made of me
I’ll make you see

You’ll never know what hit you
Won’t see me closing in
I’m gonna make you suffer
This Hell you put me in
I’m underneath your skin
The devil within
You’ll never know what hit you

It's A Beautiful Life

I am so content with my life right now. :))))) Sure, not every thing is perfect: I don't know where i'll be living in the next few months, I could use a bigger kitchen, I miss certain people who are no longer apart of my life,  I don't sleep much, my black roots are showing through my red hair annnnd I am about to turn 30. blah. BUT I feel like I am on my right path. Finally. 

There are so many things to love in this life I find it hard to complain these days..... Making a delicious healthy meal for my family, listening to my records <3, the way music makes me feel, books...oh how I love to read, learning something new everyday, NAPS, a hot cup of coffee or tea, smiling, sunlight, the excitement of getting a new tattoo, taking pictures of people's souls,WINE, meeting new people and making an impact on them through yoga. 

I love when I am thinking of a song and then it comes on the radio. I love that my daughter tells me she loves me (with her whole heart) at least 15 times a day and that God gave her the perfect Mommy. I love stopping and looking around, taking a deep breath and acknowledging my blessings. I love when my husband and I finally get to lay down together at the end of a long day and watch a movie. I love having a companion. This world can be lonely. I love when things just go....right. :)

I am lucky. I am happy. I'm living in the moment. Are you??? Don't cheat yourself out of today. Today is calling to you, trying to get your attention, but you’re stuck on tomorrow. Don't wake up tomorrow and realize that it's now yesterday. LIVE IN THE MOMENT.

“What day is it?"
It's today," squeaked Piglet.
My favorite day," said Pooh.” 
― A.A. Milne

“Forever is composed of nows.” 
― Emily Dickinson

“We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.” 
― Bill Watterson

“Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.” 
― Betty Smith, Joy in the Morning

“No, of course not. But surely you know your affair couldn't go on forever."
"Forever has no meaning when you're living in the moment and I wasn't ready for that moment to end.” 
― Ellen Hopkins, Impulse

Essential Breath

Since the moment we were born until the day we take our last breath, breathing is something that our bodies naturally do. This automatic breath allows you to survive but who wants to just survive when you can thrive!? Over time our bodies have created bad breathing patterns due to the pace we keep, the emotional roller coasters we go on and the choices we make (like smoking for instance) are all influences on the way we breathe. Do you ever say you are stressed out or burned out and the tension and anxiety that accompanies that all-too-familiar state of over load seems to be undermining your genuine desire to take care of yourself. DO you watch kids playing and remember a time when you were full of energy??? Do you wonder where that time went and how you can recover it? Well today western medical and scientific studies are proving again and again what yogis have known for centuries: when we breathe well, we create the optimum conditions for health and well-being.

Today most of us have forgotten what it feels like to breathe fully and wholly with the vitality of a new born infant. But the good thing is although we may have forgotten it we haven't lost it and we can get it back again.    It's sad that we were taught so much in school about history, mathematics  reading and such  but very few of us were taught in detail the geographic mapping of the home we live in -----our bodies. A place we have lived in our whole lives but have not really noticed.

Do you know what your diaphragm does, where it is located or what it looks like??? It's fascinating really. Click here to learn about your diaphragm

Our breath can do so much for us if you learn to tap into it. Longer inhales can give you energy and longer exhales; relaxation. Finding what yogis call your "essential" breath is not easy. It's a journey and a practice but it is well worth it. My breathing over the past two years has became so much fuller and I know I can look to it for vital energy. In yoga we call the breath Prana or our life force energy.In yoga it is the breath that moves us. It's a beautiful thing to just sit and be one with your breath.Click here for breath awareness tips.

Put your head phones in or make sure there are no outside noises around you....take a minute to do this guided breathing meditation. Enjoy it and don't take one single breath for granted.

Last Chance

Can I hold you...just one last time? 

It may be the last chance I get to feel again. Or maybe I can't feel at all any more because you broke me. 

When I think about you it's all so untrue. I can't even convince myself. My voice is the voice of some one else.

It breaks my heart to try to hold on. It hurts way too much. I know you can't feel anything your heart doesn't want to feel and the truth hurts but lies are worse.

 I can't give any more and thank God I miss you a little less than before.

So now we are turning into dust, slowly but surely we will be the ruins of us.. structures that were once complete but as time went by, have fallen into a state of partial or complete disrepair. 

No point in running back through the fire when there is nothing worth saving. 

I know...... I know, I think too much.

Less Space

If you want a look inside my mind here goes..........

I think we all die a little bit every day. These days I have been dying a little more than I think I should.

I wish you had known just how much I really cared even though I pretended that I didn't.

If only the timing wasn't so......off.

Your hand on my waist erased 5 years of self-loathing. I'm sure of it.

I can't seem to figure out here lately why everything hurts so much.

Maybe it's because the less space between us the better.

My Manic and I

Ahhh these words....................

He wants to die in a lake in Geneva, the mountains can cover the shape of his nose.
He wants to die where nobody can see him but the beauty of his death 
will carry on so I don't believe him.

He greets me with kisses when good days deceive him and sometimes with scorn and sometimes I believe him.
And sometimes I'm convinced my friends think I am crazy, get scared and call him but he's usually hazy.

By one in the morning day is not ended, by two he is scared and sleep is no friend, and by four he will drink but cannot feel it, sleep will not come because sleep does not will it and I don't believe him.
Morning is mocking me.

I'll wander the streets avoiding them eats until the ring on my finger slips to the ground.
A gift to the gutter, a gift to the city the veins of which have broken me down.
And I don't believe him, morning is mocking me.

Oh the gods that he believes never fail to amaze me.
He believes in the love of his god of all things, but I find him wrapped up in all manner of sins.
The drugs that deceive him and the girls that believe him.
I can't control you I don't know you well, these are the reasons I think that you're ill.
I can't control you I don't know you well, these are the reasons I think that you're ill.

And since last that we parted last that I saw him down by a river silent and hardened, morning was mocking us. Blood hit the sky.
I was just happy, my manic and I
He couldn't see me the sun was in his eyes and birds were singing to calm us down. And birds were singing to calm us down.
And I'm sorry young man, I cannot be your friend. I don't believe in a fairy tale end. I don't keep my head up all of the time.
I find it dull when my heart meets my mind
Though I hardly know you I think I can tell, these are the reasons I think that we're ill.
I hardly know you I think I can tell, these are the reasons I think that I'm ill.
And the gods that he believes never fail to disappoint me.
And the gods that he believes never fail to disappoint me.
My nihilist, my happy man my manic and I have no plans to move on.
The birds are singing to calm us down
And birds are singing to calm us down.

Peach

Ol' man Simon, planted a diamond,
Grew himself a garden the likes of none,
Sprouts all growin', comin' up glowin',
Fruits of jewels all shinin' in the sun.
Colors of the rainbow,
See the sun and rain grow
Sapphires and rubies on ivory vines,
Grapes of jade, just
Ready for the squeezin' into green jade wine.
Pink pearl berries,
All you can carry.
Put 'em in a bushel and
Haul 'em into town.
Up in the tree there's
Opal nuts and gold pears--
Hurry quick, grab a stick
And shake some down.
Take a silver tater,
Emerald tomater,
Fresh plump coral melons
Hangin' in reach.
Ol' man Simon,
Diggin' in his diamonds,
Stops and rests and dreams about
One.....real......peach.