“Mommy what’s wrong?” My back was turned. “How does she know I’m upset?” I thought, even though I knew the answer. She sensed my sadness, she always does.
I don’t lie to my daughter. When I’m sad, happy, angry or frustrated I show it. I tell her the truth because I want her to always feel secure to express herself without fear of being told her emotions are invalid, irrational or insignificant.
So I replied, “Mommy’s feelings are hurt today honey. My heart is sad.”
“I know how that is Mommy, my feelings get hurt a lot.”
She paused, wiping her warm little hands up and down my back, “Mommy, it’s so hard being a nice person.”
I never thought of it this way, but it’s true. Being nice,
loving and willing to open my heart to the people around me, makes me susceptible to pain.
At the tender age of six my daughter has already learned this lesson. She and I are cut from the same cloth. We are highly sensitive, emotionally expressive, moody, compassionate, nurturing beings.
We feel more than we think.
This is a blessing and a curse. It allows us to understand people and see things others don’t. However, when we remove the shield we become vulnerable and in this vulnerability we can be hurt.
I’ve battled my bleeding heart for my entire life. I don’t want to anymore. I love that I can touch my emotions, delve into them, experience them and move forward. I can sense other people’s emotions too, as if they were my own. Slowly, I am learning how to keep myself protected while I remain exposed and empathetic.
When I interact with others I
feel them without words, so does my daughter, she did it tonight and she was right, I was sad. Being a mother to Stori has allowed me to love her in the way I’ve always needed and wanted to be loved.
I honor how she feels and I reassure her that her feelings are important. She, just like me needs extra time to process her emotions, whether she asks for alone time or she wants to talk it out. I nurture her in the way she is asking to be loved, whether it is through tears, screams or silence.
She needs extra affection, it helps her feel safe. Most of all, I celebrate her sensitivity because it is a gift. She is on this Earth to love with all her might.
Loving someone with a huge heart is not always easy because they need a lot from you but feel blessed because you hit the karmic jackpot. Who better to love and support than someone who lives to love you back, completely.
Every time I dive into my head,
I can’t seem to make it heard or said.
See, the feelings keep dripping from my heart,
Cause it’s the only way I know to live my art.
There’s always a trade to be made,
Every decision keeps me saved.
Sometimes it causes strife,
Cause I refuse to cut the emotions outta my life.
Either love me fully or let me go.
I don’t have time to be a ghost.
I took off the sheet when I realized,
It’s the only way to stay alive.
Next time I cry,
Next time I scream
Hold me close,
Please don’t leave.
Just keep me open,
So I can bleed.
This is how to love the life I lead.
