SUPER EXCITED ABOUT TTC!

Growing up as an only child, I didn't really feel jealous of my friends with siblings — but now I do. My parents are divorced, my mom remarried. My childhood, in retrospect, was lovely in many ways but also lonely. I had an imaginary friend in our poop green colored refrigerater, put on Broadway shows all by myself in our front yard and cut all of my barbie dolls hair off out of boredom. And now, I wish there was someone who was there with me when it all happened, someone who could help me decipher my mom’s bouts of depression while going through a divorce and my dad’s alcoholism. I also worry about taking care of my mom all by myself as she ages. I imagine this crazy household where my husband and I co-habitate with my mom, my mom’s husband, and their three dogs. But of course I will take them in with open arms, my Mom raised me all by herself and I would do any thing for her I just hope our house is bigger by then!

My husband, on the other hand, has two sisters. Now I know that, like all families, they too had their unique quirks and issues, their embarrassing and strange moments. Except Justin got to live through it all with his sisters. It’s not like they talk constantly about their past — or even always get along in the present. But when you spend time with the three of them, it’s obvious they share a common history, a common language and culture all its own. I envy their inside jokes, their years-old traditions, their arguments and alliances. I think it would be amazing to know two adults who knew you when you were small, when you were at the very beginning of who you are.

The thought of all of this is one of the many reasons we have decided to try again to have another baby. Because we think that having a sibling will make Stori's life better, and ours, too. Stori certainly did.

There have been times when we are out as a family, hiking, at the circus or just eating at a restaurant etc.and I stop for a minute and take it all in. The crying from Stori but more importantly the laughing. The things she has learned and the little lady she is becoming. I love the occasional glance Justin and I share when we are both thinking "we made that" while staring at Stori. I notice women around me calming their new babies and instead of cringing, I am now able to trace the path that had led from there to here. Without all the mess, the sleepless nights, the anxiety, we couldn’t have had all of these perfect days. I close my eyes, and I can finally see it: another perfect day, when instead of the three of us, we would be four.